September 18, 2005 - The X-Factor - Naked and Famous

I'm not generally given to watching television and I have a particular dislike for "reality" shows coupled with a suitably snobbish attitude towards ITV. That said, yesterday morning found me in such a hungover condition that the idiot box was the only option open. Much to my own amazement I found myself getting rather engrossed in The X-Factor, so much so that I even watched it again this morning (this time with a slightly more gentle hangover) and again found it rather absorbing.

The X-Factor, for those who haven't seen it is a talent contest on a grand scale. Entrants swarm to audition sessions around the country and sing for a panel of three judges in the hope that they will be passed through to the next stage. The ultimate winner will be signed to one of the judges' labels and will have generated enough publicity to pretty well guarantee a platinum selling debut. If fame is your aim, it's certainly a glittering prize and one which many of the contestants are hanging all of their hopes and dreams on.

Where the show differs from the old style talent shows like Opportunity Knocks and New Faces is that there is no pre-selection of performers - you get to see the whole gamut of entrants from the talented to the tragic. And, if I'm going to be honest, much of the interest lies at the tragic end of the spectrum. The show provides some trainwreck television of the most intense kind as truly lamentable performers are reduced to tears and plead pathetically as they are informed that they really can't sing. It's really rather difficult to understand how many of them could ever delude themselves into thinking that they should even be allowed to sing in the shower let alone in public. We're not talking about people who are a little off pitch or hitting the odd bum note here; we're talking about people who quite simply cannot sing at all. It's a common complaint, not many of us can sing but we accept it and get along with our lives having made a mental note not to take part in any talent shows. Not so with one man who had given up his day job 7 months ago in order to practice for the competition. He had a recurring dream in which he collected the trophy. He was utterly convinced he was going to win. And then he "sang". The man couldn't carry a tune in a suitcase - he was just plain awful. The poor, poor man.

Presumably when this guy sings he is hearing something quite wonderful in his ears rather than the katzenjammer coming from his mouth. The brain can seriously distort our senses, if painfully skinny anorexics can see themselves as being fat, it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise that painfully bad singers hear themselves sounding uncannily like Sinatra. And, I guess we've all been guilty of pretending to enjoy a friend's artwork from time to time even when we're fully aware that it's a pile of pooh. But surely someone should have cared enough to let him know that singing's not the ideal outlet for his creativity before he got to turn himself into a prime-time prat.

It would be possible to put the show together in such a way that this bizarre gathering of the nation's Eleanor Rigby's was played for laughs. A sneering Clive James or Chris Tarrant presenting the nation's funniest talent show failures probably would make a pretty popular show. The X-Factor takes the approach of letting contestants make fools of themselves (i.e. do their act) but will talk to them before and afterwards and make sure you know how much it means to them. It would take a pretty hard-hearted person not to feel any compassion.

The reason this show works as reality TV is that it's all eyes on the prize not on the camera. Turgid shows like Big Brother are full of people who have nothing to say beyond "look at me, I'm on the telly" whereas here people are entirely focussed on the three people in front of them who can make or break their dreams. They're standing there stark naked for all the world to see with everything to gain and everything to lose. When you see people that openly you form an emotional attachment to them in a matter of seconds - something I'd imagine you'd have to endure a great many hours of Big Brother in order to achieve.

September 09, 2005 - Katrina Thought Process

September 01, 2005 - Censorship from Starchat IRC!!1

How hard is it to find a fucking IRC network where the admin leaves you the fuck alone? It's impossible, these sexless freaks have nothing better to do.

Incidently, +s makes an IRC channel secret and hidden from view. Anyways, the log from the #b00mb0x channel on Starchat IRC ...